I’m not going to cover all kinks, because that would take me about a year. But there is a rather long list HERE and HERE.
I’m just going to cover a few of the riskier and more common kinks. If there’s something on the list you see, and don’t understand, come to my inbox, I’ll chat with you about it.
First and foremost, I’m going to say this. If you are going to practice a kink that you’ve never done before, you need to learn about it. More than just reading what I have to say. In a lot of cases, through things like Fetlife, you can find people that teach classes on different things. Do some research, know the risks, know what you need to do to be safe.
Another big thing is knowing when you should not practice a kink - like, for instance, if your submissive is sick, don’t be a fucking moron and play with them. Sometimes, submissives in all their glory, want nothing more than to make their Dominant happy, and forgo their own safety. Be smart, know the signs, know if your submissive is emotionally distraught, you shouldn’t be playing extensively; unless that is in fact their brand of therapy.
In the end, KNOW YOURSELF - KNOW YOUR SUBMISSIVE, or you’re a danger to the both. Trust and understanding are two of the most important qualities when it comes down to playtime. Don’t abuse that trust, and always remember your submissive safe words and limits.
For information on safe words, limits, pre-play and aftercare, please read this previous guide.
Before I say anything, I’m going to state the obvious. Practice safe sex - which means birth control, condoms, HIV testing and otherwise. Know your partner before you get to know them in the biblical sense. Especially with things like this, because there are times where blood is involved. PLEASE practice safe sex. Please. Just if you don’t listen to anything I’ve ever said, just listen to that.
Alright, anal play is going to be very easy to cover, I honestly don’t have a lot to say on this subject. If you’re on the bottom, make sure you know what you’re getting into - because yes it can hurt, quite a fucking lot, if you’re not doing this properly. If you’re on the bottom, I don’t suggest just bending over and letting someone fuck you. Anal training, always a good idea - small buttplugs, I promise you’ll thank me.
As a Dominant, it’s your responsibility to make sure your partner is ready to be used in the way you intend to. Which means use lubrication, and be gentle at first. If your partner has never had anal sex, chances are it’s going to hurt, and you’re not going to be able to shove a 10inch dildo up there. Make sure your partner is very aroused - which keeps them from clenching and fighting the entry; and make sure you have sufficient lubricant.
I don’t care what you see in porn; never ever fuck someone anally and stuff it in their vagina. Just don’t do it. Unless they’ve just had an enema - and I mean JUST, there is some serious bacteria down there, and that can lead to serious yeast infections.
Do your homework, know what you’re working with. I suggest spending some time on google and reading some anal play stories. If you’re buying plugs for a new submissive, go for the training sizes. If you’re warming your boy/girl up, go for a finger before you shove anything up there. Just remember to be careful, and if the safe words come out - so do you.
Right, breath play is actually extremely dangerous. Choking and breath play are not the same fucking thing, alright. If you wrap a hand around your girls neck while you’re fucking, but she’s still moaning and whining, she can breath, and it’s not breath play, it’s just a sensory thing. Even then it’s dangerous, because a lot of people don’t understand that cutting off your partners breath isn’t the only risk.
With choking (light to full on breath play), you need to know how to hold the neck. It’s a bit less dangerous with a belt, but even so, if you’re putting too much pressure in the wrong places, you’re going to break cartilage. Yes it’s strong, but it’s not invincible.
If you’re going to choke someone (this is hands or objects on the neck, that is choking), you don’t want to apply direct pressure against the center of the neck. Bring a finger up to your neck, feel it - that harder bit in the middle, yeah that’s where you don’t want to push. Now just under that, there’s a soft fleshy bit, it’ll probably make you cough a bit when you press there; go ahead and rest your hands THERE when you choke, that’s where you want pressure. OR above the cartilage, right where the neck starts, pressing firmly upward above the cartilage can give the same effect.
When it comes to other forms of breath play; bags, suits, masks, whatever floats your kinky fuckin’ boat, you need to do research on them before using them. End of.
Remember in these cases safe words won’t work, you’ll need safe actions. Clawing doesn’t always mean stop, so have a very specific signal - like the forefinger to the thumb.
Another thing to know is if her/his face is red, you’re good to go - light purple across the cheeks is normal and alright, but when it starts to flush a deeper shade of red, verging on a violet, you need to stop and let them breathe. Blue is very very bad, do not let your partner go blue. Also, watch the eyes - watery and red is alright, but once the veins start becoming too prominent, let them breath, or you’ll pop vessels.
Branding isn’t something I have personal experience with, but I do know a fair amount about. Personally, I wouldn’t suggest playing with branding unless you have an extreme amount of training, and you understand the risks that come with a burn; burns are serious and very susceptible to infection. Sarification is also considered branding, and just as serious when it comes to infection.
When it comes to branding play, usually the best idea is to use disposable gear, because risking letting it become infected with bacteria is just not worth it. You can buy scalpels from medical supply stores, use the blade once, and then dispose of it safely. I don’t personally suggest using a razor when it comes to scarification, but it’s really up to you.
When it comes to burning, I’m not going to get into the act of it, because as I said, I don’t personally have experience, so I suggest you seek the education from someone who is a veteran with fire branding and otherwise.
Treating a burn, however, is very important - treating the open wounds left from flesh removal as well. Make sure to clean the wound daily and apply new, fresh bandages. If you think the wound is infected, don’t be a home doctor, go to a professional and they’ll make sure to help you. IF YOU ARE NOT TRAINED MEDICALLY, I can’t suggest you play with branding.
Bondage is fun, but it is actually dangerous to beginners. Tape, rope or otherwise, you need to pay attention. Bondage, despite being something that doesn’t initially look dangerous, is a very attentive kink. You need to pay full attention to your submissive at all times.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve fully bound them, or just taped them to the bedposts - you need to pay attention to their wrapped bits. If you’ve tied rope around their wrists, and tied them to a chair; check the restraints constantly; if the flesh is cold, blue or colorless, that’s a sign of circulation being cut off - which, for extended amounts of time can lead to serious nerve damage.
Before playing with bondage, you need to make sure your partner is in fairly good health and has good blood circulation, else it’s quite a bit more dangerous. Make sure to have bolt cutters / rope cutters near by in case of an emergency, and NEVER leave someone left unattended that you’ve bound. Even for a moment, do not do it. Just fucking don’t.
I do not suggest serious bondage unless you’ve attended rope classes or otherwise - because you can cause nerve damage to your submissive if you’re tying knots wrong and cutting off certain points.
Understand that with new submissives, there is the potential for panic attacks - so you need to make sure you can be there to calm them down. DO NOT push them if they use their safe word. If they NEED out, you let them out, or you can not only harm them physically, but mentally.
As with the above, please make sure your partner is in good health before partaking in something as serious as electrical play. That being said, I don’t think you need /training/ like you would with bondage - as long as you’re not an ignorant moron, you should be good really.
Make sure you know what you’re playing with; that means if you’re going to use it on your submissive, use it on yourself first, know what you’re putting them through. Know what they’ll be feeling - and make sure, as always to honor the safe words.
Electrical play can be beautiful, but there are a few steps you should take in making sure that you’re going to be completely safe. There are minor things like muscle stimulator, which is probably the best starting point for someone that’s never been educated in electrical play. The violet wand is also a great option, considering its design. If your submissive has heart problems or a pace maker, I would warn you away from electrical play - especially more intense shocks, like a shock collar.
Make sure you pay extreme attention to your submissive, and gauge their reaction; especially when this is your first time playing. Electrical contacts ( the sticky pads) can be used more than once, but only use them on one person, because they do pick up whatever is on the skin.
Now hopefully everyone knows this, but avoid water - if your submissive is extremely sweaty, or you are, please be smart and dry off with a towel before playing. If you’re wet during play, the same thing applies. No, you’re probably not going to die if you’re a bit damp, but it does change the experience, and you can’t control the direction of the electricity as well.
In the end, please make sure to read through the instructions of whatever toy you happen to purchase.
Fantasy Rape Play
While this is likely the least physically damaging play, it can be extremely mentally damaging - so you need to know your submissive well. You need to know when it’s okay to play, and when it’s not. You need to know your submissives limits inside and out; safe words should be important here too - because while your submissive might be screaming no, in character, if they use the safe word, something could be wrong.
If you are in character, and lose yourself, and abuse the safe word set by your submissive… Oh shit there’s a fucking problem, because that’s when it turns from rape play, into rape. Do not abuse safe words, it comes right back down to that.
I can’t describe rape play, because the desire is going to be different for each submissive and their respective owner. What I can do, is tell you that before just literally popping out from behind a door and pinning your submissive down while wearing a mask, and ignoring their begging for you to stop - you need to have a conversation or two with them.
Set up your SPECIFIC rape play safe words. If they use them, because they’re scared and not sure it’s you. DO NOT judge them.
A lot of times fantasy rape play is less “Wow I want to be raped” and more “Wow I really just want to be forced”. Sometimes this is blurred, and you need to ensure that no matter what you’re doing, your submissive is okay. In character rape play is alright, but dressing up, wearing a mask, kidnapping your submissive and locking them up - fucking them while keeping your face hidden and ignoring their safe word (which they may have forgotten, as this can be very fucking traumatic) just makes you a fucking asshole.
NOW - with that in mind; if you tell your submissive “On Friday I’m going to be wearing ______ and kidnap you, give you that fantasy you want” they’ll still experience that rush, that sudden fear, but they’ll know in the back of their head that it’s their Dom, not just someone that might kill them.
In the end it all comes down to communication and respecting safe words. I repeat that a lot, because it’s fucking important.
So, this is basically the same concept as what I’d said up in anal. You can’t just wake up one morning and go, man I’d love a good fisting, then shove a hand up your cooch. It’s not going to work, it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to rip you to fucking pieces.
If you want to be fisted, anally or vaginally, you need to understand that this is going to take time. You’re going to need to - with your partner, or yourself I suppose - gradually insert more and more into yourself. This probably cannot be achieved in one night - I mean if you’re really determined, go for it, I bet you’ll have fun.
In short, lots of lube, lots of patience, and you’ll get there. There’s no need to rush this if you’ve never done it before. If you have done it before, then chances are you’ll have a bit easier time and there’s probably no reason to read this is there?
Anyway, start off slow, finger, two fingers, three, four - push slow, wiggle around, get comfortable and just keep going until you want to stop. As a top, or the person doing this to your partner, never push too hard, make sure to watch your partners face, and gauge their reactions. If they seem to be in pain - ask them if you need them to stop, if they use the safe words, respect them. Never force your way into your partner, you can cause serious fucking damage.
Wearing gloves is a good idea, make sure your nails are short. I don’t recommend deep fisting unless you’ve been doing this for a long time, and you’re well versed with it - and know your partner well.
There isn’t too much danger with gags - save for leaving a ball gag in overnight, so the potential for choking, and the potential for lockjaw if you use a gag that’s too big for too long.
I would suggest never leaving someone unattended if they have a gag in, and no hands to be able to remove it if need be. In the end, gags don’t need a lot of attention, there are so many types of gags, this really just comes down to talking with your partner about what type they’re most comfortable with, and making sure to know how to attach it securely - which isn’t very hard to figure out, honestly.
All in all, comes right back to communicate, experiment slowly, and make sure your submissive has a safe action, as they can’t use their words.
I obviously don’t have much to say here, hair pulling is hair pulling, but it’s one of the more popular kinks. A lot of people enjoy it, and it’s fairly safe to do, there isn’t much in the way of medical repercussions, just be careful to grab in the right places. Realistically, if you grab too close to the root, you can rip hair out, which no one wants - and if you grab too close to the ends, you’ll just cause a lot of discomfort. A good grip about two inches away from the root will give you the best result. Alternatively, if your partner has a hair tie in, like pigtails or a ponytail, it’s safe to grab at about the elastic. Just make sure your partner enjoys what you’re doing.
If you’re new to wax play, I suggest you use paraffin candles - they burn at an extremely low temperature and cool quickly, so experiment with that first. If your partner wants more of a slight burn, you can use colored or scented candles; but they do burn at a higher temperature, so they give a higher risk of causing an actual burn.
Make sure to take any steps to treating a burn if there is one left on the skin afterward. Feel free to place a cool cloth against the irritated flesh to sooth it, take a nice relaxing bath afterward. You shouldn’t have any burns if you’re using the cheap little paraffin wax candles, but the sensation is still brilliant.
I’m not going to get into humiliation safety tips, because I don’t have any other than “respect your submissives safe words and limits”. A lot of submissives enjoy humiliation/humbling/degradation and so forth. Now, there are different levels of humiliation, and you just need to make sure that you and your submissive talk about what you’re doing, and that you’re both comfortable.
The mild side of things; calling them a slut, a whore (publicly or privately) , making them wear clothes that make them feel ashamed. Essentially, the goal of light humiliation is to make them embarrassed and shy; you’re not trying to cause true mental trauma.
I would love to cover this more, but I honestly can’t, because it’s a sub to sub basis, depending completely on what they want, and what they don’t want. Being called a piggy, being slapped around, spit on, publicly displayed. In the end, practice SSC with humiliation, and you’re good to go.
First and foremost, make sure the partner you’re playing with is mentally sound and physically healthy - especially because there can be blood involved, it’s a good idea to wear gloves, have sterile cleaning pads and gauze on hand, and MAKE SURE you’re using medical grade cutting tools if you’re delving into cutting - or, that the knife has been completely sterilized.
Knife play does not always end in blood play - knife play itself is just a sensory thing, having a blade drawn across your body, light scratching, not actually cutting. But, knife play does often go hand in hand with blood play.
In the end, knife play on it’s own isn’t exactly dangerous, unless you have a nervous hand - so be wary. Never press the sharp end of the knife to your partners throat, never do anything that you KNOW could result in serious injury, but this goes with anything. If you’re using knife play with blood play, please be extremely careful, as scars will happen, infection can happen, and you COULD cut something that shouldn’t be cut.
I don’t recommend cutting play if you aren’t well aware of the anatomy of a human. Don’t cut if you don’t know - end of.
Orgasm Control / Ruined Orgasms / Forced Orgasm
Orgasm play isn’t dangerous, but it’s intense. Same old, make sure your partner is healthy and know what you’re doing.
Alright, orgasm control and edging. Two of my favorite things. Orgasm control and edging; simple and literally what it sounds like. You, as a Dominant, control your submissives orgasm, not allowed to cum without your permission. Alright, so, your little boy is hard, and you’re drawing fingers along his cock - so, he needs to cum, and he’s begging, you don’t want him to. Wait til the last moment, remove your hands, let him calm back down and start all over again. The pup is only allowed to finish when you deem it so. This isn’t always punishment, a lot of submissives love this sort of training, so don’t get all “wow thats mean” no - it’s not.
Okay now ruined orgasms are mean, but amazing… Well, for the Dom, they’re fun to watch. Usually more of a punishment; unless you’re more into humiliation, and then it’s just a reward, being allowed to cum at all. Well this one is a little trickier, and hard to perfect. Same concept, little boy is hard as sin (same concept for girls). Just stroke slow, and as soon as you feel that orgasm on the brink, remove your hand. This is a lot worse for men than women, but it’s equally as frustrating. For men, you get to just watch them twitch, the cum drip down - it’s a completely unfulfilling orgasm, and trust me, they’ll whine.
Forced Orgasm. If I have to tell you what a forced orgasm is, we’re going to have a problem. A lot of times this is done with a vibrator; namely, hitachi’s, since they’re the fucking best. Right, just tie your little sub down, hold the vibrator (or strap) in place, and watch them writhe. Eventually they’ll cum - and then you’ll make them cum again, and again, and again, until they’re begging you to stop… Don’t stop. Unless they use a safe word…
Sensory Deprivation! All of the fun, all of the fun. Okay, sensory deprivation boards - you can buy those. I don’t have a lot of personal experience with full sensory deprivation, so. Basically, it’s what it sounds like, taking away senses - it can be one, it can be all. There are safety risks, as with everything, so you need to be aware of what you’re doing specifically. Since I can’t cover every version of deprivation, you’re just going to need to be a smart cookie and do some research on the method you choose.
Most commonly, blindfolds and earplugs, taking away sight and sound, tying your submissive up and just playing with their body. You need to remember your submissive needs a way to tell you to stop if they need it, be that leaving a gag out of the picture, or having fingers able to touch together. It all boils down to the same things I keep saying about respecting your partner.
There’s not exactly a big risk to blindfolds and earplugs, so if you want to experiment with sensory deprivation, those are a safe bet. Tie your submissive up, make sure they can’t see or hear - then go to town, play with ice, play with wax, vibrators, make them writhe and wonder what’s coming next.
There are so many different types of spankings: whips, canes, hands, paddles, spoons, belts - I’m not going to cover them all here, because they will have a guide of their own, since it’s something I’m extremely well versed in.
I’m going to give you the short version here, though. If you’re new to being the spanker - use your hand, so you can feel what you’re doing, start out slow, build up. Safe words are as important as ever, despite the low risk. You need to be slow, spank light at first, don’t just come in full swing or you’ll end up driving your submissive away from enjoying the spankings. Even if it’s punishment, you can’t just break out the whip for their first spanking ever. Sorry, don’t be that guy.
Realistically, belts are a good starter tool also, but make sure you know what you’re doing, slow swings, don’t just wing it. Go slow, build up, take breaks.
With spanking, aftercare is amazingly important - pull your submissive close, rub lotion on their little red behind (it’s going to be sensitive, it’s going to be sore, and it will probably be dry; not only will this be comforting, but it’ll help keep them moisturized), and tell them how good they did. If this was a punishment spanking - YOU STILL NEED AFTER CARE. I don’t give a shit what happened; you need after care. You punished, it’s done; give that baby the care they need.
Make sure that any open sores or bruises are tended to accordingly.
Since I already covered wax play and branding, I’m just going to cover ice in this one. Alright, ice is beautiful - but don’t hold it down too tightly to the skin for too long, because you can cause damage. So, just be wary of that. If the skin goes real white, stop applying cold. You can insert ice cubes into whatever hole you want, but be careful, gauge your partners reaction. Pay fucking attention, like with everything else.
In the end, realistically, the most important thing about practicing any kink is that it’s consensual, you’ve done your research, and you’re both enjoying yourselves. Remember safe words and limits, you’ll be fine. If you’re not trained in something that has high risks, don’t do it - seek the knowledge you need to be able to do it yourself. A lot of times you can find resources you need via the internet, be it in depth guides on how to do something, or locations for classes that you can take.
It is YOUR responsibility to know what you’re doing. Be smart, be aware or don’t do it.